I identify with so much of this, particularly the autistic syntax (which had never occurred to me but I immediately knew what it was and that I do it too) and the autistic long form. And this section about gender really articulates what I’ve been trying to explain to myself for years now:
I consider my gender to be nonbinary but probably because I’m 62, I can’t imagine not referring to myself as she, which in my time meant a huge amount of discrimination and dismissal all by itself. Probably this is an autistic thing, but it feels disloyal to throw the “she” under the bus entirely, but I’m happy to be referred to as they as well.
“Disloyal to throw the ‘she’ under the bus” despite not being a fan of gender as a thing- or even really understanding it- that’s definitely me.
thank you so much, Amanda. It means the world to me when my neurokin feel heard and seen with my writing. Love that you get rhe syntax thing. I'm gearing up to do a post on that. Also the gender thing too. Also thank you joining the community! Looking forward to further connection.
I have returned to this today because I want to thank you for the many ways in which you have opened me to the understanding of my own lifelong autism. My therapist encouraged me to test which I did and received the response of level one ASD. My husband had already confirmed that I was ”wired differently.” He did that in the context of medical appointments when he could see that the doctor wasn’t paying attention to my various chemical sensitivities. The diagnosis has opened my life to me with a stunning clarity. You refer to it in this post, also, when you mention how you once thought of your differences versus how you think of them now. I wish I had understood this about myself earlier.
So many sensitivities, so many burnouts, such difficulty with office jobs, such difficulty with required physical, constriction, such as to complete an advanced degree. I don’t know how you did it. I got partway on three. I was taught to mask without anyone actually ever admitting there was a situation that required it. But I was taught it so well that men didn’t see beyond it soon enough. Two broken engagements and one divorce resulted from my not being who they thought I was. How on earth I was able to find Hale and live happily with him for 40 years is surely a miracle. It has occurred to me that perhaps he was neurodivergent as well. Certainly, he was open to the variety of the world and tolerant of difference.
Thank you, Babette. I hear all this. And I'm so happy you have made this discovery. I think no matter how late we find out we are autistic it is so meaningful and healing. Yes a lot of grieving too, but such clarity and lightness after a lifetime of carrying such heavy confusion. I am so glad my words resonate with you. It means the world.
What a wonderful post, Julia. I’m not autistic but was diagnosed bipolar2 two years ago at age 72. Needless to say it’s been life changing. Makes earlier years make more sense. Medication has helped tremendously but not completely so I am still educating myself about how to best take care of myself. Thanks for providing space for another unadapted one.
thank you, Donna, and for joining the community. I'm so glad you see your experience reflected here, too. My intent is create common cause across the diversities as it were. Welcome aboard!
What an elegant onboarding post! I’m very excited to read your elaborations of history, the roles of intersectionality and positionality, and the various geographies of autistic experiencing
I imagine you are already familiar with The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. It's an aclaimed mystery narrated by a fifteen year old boy with autism.
I am aware of the book but have not read it nor do I plan to do so. The author is not himself autistic and many believe he portrayed a stereotype rather than a true autistic voice. Happily, there are many autistic authors now, and I read them. I prefer the nuance and complexity of actually autistic voices.
I identify with so much of this, particularly the autistic syntax (which had never occurred to me but I immediately knew what it was and that I do it too) and the autistic long form. And this section about gender really articulates what I’ve been trying to explain to myself for years now:
I consider my gender to be nonbinary but probably because I’m 62, I can’t imagine not referring to myself as she, which in my time meant a huge amount of discrimination and dismissal all by itself. Probably this is an autistic thing, but it feels disloyal to throw the “she” under the bus entirely, but I’m happy to be referred to as they as well.
“Disloyal to throw the ‘she’ under the bus” despite not being a fan of gender as a thing- or even really understanding it- that’s definitely me.
Anyway, thanks & looking forward to reading more.
thank you so much, Amanda. It means the world to me when my neurokin feel heard and seen with my writing. Love that you get rhe syntax thing. I'm gearing up to do a post on that. Also the gender thing too. Also thank you joining the community! Looking forward to further connection.
I have returned to this today because I want to thank you for the many ways in which you have opened me to the understanding of my own lifelong autism. My therapist encouraged me to test which I did and received the response of level one ASD. My husband had already confirmed that I was ”wired differently.” He did that in the context of medical appointments when he could see that the doctor wasn’t paying attention to my various chemical sensitivities. The diagnosis has opened my life to me with a stunning clarity. You refer to it in this post, also, when you mention how you once thought of your differences versus how you think of them now. I wish I had understood this about myself earlier.
So many sensitivities, so many burnouts, such difficulty with office jobs, such difficulty with required physical, constriction, such as to complete an advanced degree. I don’t know how you did it. I got partway on three. I was taught to mask without anyone actually ever admitting there was a situation that required it. But I was taught it so well that men didn’t see beyond it soon enough. Two broken engagements and one divorce resulted from my not being who they thought I was. How on earth I was able to find Hale and live happily with him for 40 years is surely a miracle. It has occurred to me that perhaps he was neurodivergent as well. Certainly, he was open to the variety of the world and tolerant of difference.
So thank you, Julia. Truly.
Thank you, Babette. I hear all this. And I'm so happy you have made this discovery. I think no matter how late we find out we are autistic it is so meaningful and healing. Yes a lot of grieving too, but such clarity and lightness after a lifetime of carrying such heavy confusion. I am so glad my words resonate with you. It means the world.
What a wonderful post, Julia. I’m not autistic but was diagnosed bipolar2 two years ago at age 72. Needless to say it’s been life changing. Makes earlier years make more sense. Medication has helped tremendously but not completely so I am still educating myself about how to best take care of myself. Thanks for providing space for another unadapted one.
thank you, Donna, and for joining the community. I'm so glad you see your experience reflected here, too. My intent is create common cause across the diversities as it were. Welcome aboard!
What an elegant onboarding post! I’m very excited to read your elaborations of history, the roles of intersectionality and positionality, and the various geographies of autistic experiencing
thank you and thanks for joining the community!
I imagine you are already familiar with The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. It's an aclaimed mystery narrated by a fifteen year old boy with autism.
I am aware of the book but have not read it nor do I plan to do so. The author is not himself autistic and many believe he portrayed a stereotype rather than a true autistic voice. Happily, there are many autistic authors now, and I read them. I prefer the nuance and complexity of actually autistic voices.